Are You the Problem? 4 Questions to Ask Yourself

When there is a problem in our relationships, it’s so easy to blame and point the finger at our partners. But sometimes, the problem is us. Here are four questions to ask yourself to determine if you are the problem.

1. Have I communicated my needs to my partner?

Oftentimes, problems arise in relationships because couples fail to communicate their needs to their partners. Through my relationship counseling, I find that couples often assume their partner should just know certain things about them, especially when I hear them say things such as “we’ve been together X years” or “I’m not their first girlfriend!” Assuming that your partner will know what angers you, anchors, or makes you feel loved is a recipe for disaster and a breeding ground for resentment.

Therefore, it’s important that you periodically conduct a self-assessment to ensure that you have communicated your needs in a way that your partner would understand. When you know that you’ve done your part in communicating your needs and if your partner still fails to meet them, then you can re-evaluate the relationship accordingly. 

2. Do I have unrealistic expectations of my partner or the relationship?

You know your partner and know their limitations. Or at least you should. Knowing this, consider if your partner is even capable of giving you what you need. Have they ever done it before in their previous relationships? Do they truly understand what you’re asking of them? Are your expectations of them unrealistic?

3. Have I made adjustments to address and fulfill my partner’s needs?

Relationships require effort from both partners so you need to make sure you’re being the partner that you want. Have you done everything in your power to attend to your partner’s needs? Are you doing what you need to do to make the relationship beneficial and enjoyable for your partner since that will help create an environment for them to reciprocate that energy back to you?

4. Have I outgrown the relationship?

Be honest with yourself. Sometimes we enter into relationships that fit where we are at the time but it may not be the relationship best suited for us as we evolve, grow and change. Not every relationship is meant to last a lifetime; some relationships are here to provide us with lessons, experiences, children, or just knowledge about yourself. Ask yourself whether you still find fulfillment in your relationship? Does your relationship still serve a purpose in your life? 

If you answered “no”, you may want to consider ending your relationship. However, if you answered “no” but there’s still a desire to hold onto the relationship, talk to your partner about your feelings of stagnancy within the relationship and see if there are opportunities for growth.

These questions are not designed to place blame on yourself but rather to help you learn to self-assess your relationships and attract transformational love and your Power Partner.

Are you and your partner ready to take the next step in strengthening the communication within your relationship? Book a relationship coaching package with me today!

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