How to Know When You're Wasting Your Time
We’ve all heard time and time again that “relationships are hard.” I like to challenge that statement and say instead that “relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be hard.”
Without a doubt, relationships take work. Two individual people coming together is going to take patience, effort and understanding. That’s work! Sometimes work doesn’t feel great but it’s what’s necessary to get the payoff we deserve and the desired results. The misconception is that the work has to be hard. Work is just a means to an end. But it doesn’t have to be hard.
Staying in a relationship that has constant fighting, arguing, bickering is not putting in “work”. That’s ignoring the real issues that could include a lack of communication, a lack of compatibility or a lack of coping skills amongst one or both partners. I often see this mentality displayed from couples who have very different belief systems and personal values. When a couple with different values is able to communicate what’s important to them and compromise with their partner, they are more likely to maintain their joy and satisfaction within the relationship. They learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Doing so is “work” but it’s not hard when there is mutual respect and a solid foundation.
However, when couples have contrasting values and one or both partners is not willing to compromise, that’s when relationships become hard. Pretending that your values and goals are aligned in your relationship when your needs aren’t being met is hard and that’s a hardship I encourage my clients to reconsider. It’s completely ok to be with someone who is different from you. Who thinks differently, has a different background and outlook on life. In a healthy partnership, those differences can inspire growth and keep the relationship exciting.
But if you find that the ways in which you and your partner are different elicit more arguments, strife and miscommunication, those may be signs of incompatibility. Staying in a relationship like that isn’t putting in “work”, it’s simply foolish. Relationships take work and work requires effort. It won’t always be easy but it should not always be hard.
Have you wondered whether you and your partner are really incompatible or are there just communication issues that need to be addressed? Consider a relationship coaching package today for an experienced, objective perspective that will equip you and your partner with the tools and resources to move forward healthily.
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