What You Need From a Man Before You Have Sex

Disclaimer: I'm not positioning myself as the morality police. As a believer and follower of Christ I see the benefits in conducting myself according to Jesus' example. However, I know we humans are sexual beings so my gems today are asking you to consider forgoing physical intimacy unless there is commitment. I honestly believe that's one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.

So with that said, here are the five thing you need to see- and not just hear- before you have sex with a man:


You need to see that this man can take the initiative. Let him pursue you and really put forth the effort to get and keep your attention. This determination and perseverance sets the stage for him to better lead in the event you two enter into a relationship so you need to know whether this quality exists before you become intimate.


As you’re spending time with him you want to see him take an interest in you. Does he ask you about your passions, life goals, hobbies, or desires? If he does, does he remember your answers? Don't get me wrong, as you get older your memory definitely isn't what it used to be but if you have to keep "reminding" him of things that interest you, it could be a sign that he's not all that into you. And If all you ever talk about is him and his interest, that's a huge red flag. Run!


Have you ever heard the saying "if you have to keep wondering where you stand, it maybe time to stop standing and start walking?" This is definitely true when dating. Even without the commitment, there should be clarity regarding your position, his priorities, and his purpose. 


Make sure that he's generously investing his time, emotions, and finances into the dating process. The financial part can be his actual money or just sharing his mindset when it comes to finances and his plan to actually achieve his financial goals.


Having sex with a person should not be your introduction to intimacy. Make sure you have established emotional intimacy first. There are plenty of other types of physical intimacy that you can focus on.

Men are very physical beings, so never lead with the physical. You want to build connection, excitement, desire and overall commitment. When you give into the physical without watching for these 5 things first, you almost guarantee closing the avenue to them.

Instead of focusing on the timeline for sex, focus on the cultivation of the entire connection. That way sex is just a byproduct of what you’ve built. Of course in my opinion, covenant is best but when you do it this way, sex is better as a culmination through building this connection.

You may have noticed that my five gems all start with the letter "I." That was intentional! Remember, the old adage, "there is no I in team?" Well without those five "I's," there is no team and until there is commitment, you are not a team yet,

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. If you are watching all my lives, participating in my community, and drawn to my teachings and guidance, it's because you are ready! Schedule a free guidance call today and let's get you started on dating with intention!